ONLY ONE
Jan 6, 2012
Been working hard
I got this thing I wanna tell you about
It might make you sing
Make you wanna turn somethin’ out
It didn’t take a lot of money – it aint slick
It aint even on the internet
But I took my time and promise you
I mean every single word of it
Baby you… you’re the one that I need
Baby you… you’re the one who makes me bleed
Baby you… you’re the only one that I see
You crashed my heart and my head
I’m here ‘til I’m dead
You’re the only one…
It’s just another love song
But since it’s yours maybe you’ll love it
Love songs usually make me sad
But I’m starting to rise above it
Get ready – here it comes, the predictable line
But it’s actually true
I walked around most of my life
Just to find you
CH
And when you cry I know it’s just how you feel
I’m learning not to run when things get real
When things get real, when things get real
CH
IS IT EMBARRASSING?
12-24-11
Is it embarrassing to love me, to love me, to love me?
It it embarrassing to love me the way that you love me now?
Is it disappointing to see me, to see me, to see me?
Is it disappointing to see me, the way that you see me now?
Do I have some kind of freaky power
That turns your face from sweet to sour?
That makes you long for a happier hour?
Would it kill ya just to show a little kindness to me?
Is it punishing to hold me, to hold me, to hold me?
Is it punishing to hold me, the way that you hold me now?
trombone solo
CH
Is it excruciating to do that, to do that, to do that?
Is it excruciating to do that, thing that you’re doing right now?
confession: i'm on a quest to make a record that I half-jokingly refer to (in my head) as "the trifecta".
the trifecta = a record that will make you:
a) wanna fuck/dance
b) wanna think/engage
c) cry like a fucking baby from the beauty
if i can do this, i will most certainly quit music
It was evening. I was walking along the river. My boots made a shushing sound as I moved through the tall, soft grass along the bank. The night air felt warm and open and alive around me -- like I was slow dancing with the air as I walked. It was a perfectly clear night. The honeyed nebulae twirled above my head like a chandelier that you'd just spun with a fingertip.
The night exuded magic and boundless possibility.
I looked across the river to the other side and sitting on the bank was a white Bengal tiger. It was licking its chops, silently observing, tail switching a bit, waiting... vaguely menacing.
That's when the feeling in the air began to shift from wonder and beauty to lawless disaster.
I noticed that the ground had changed beneath my feet. What had once been a well-worn dirt path was now a muddy wash, slowly filled with water. The river was steadily rising past its banks.
I hurried to the house by the river. I didn’t live there, I was just a visitor. I walked inside and went to tell the son and the old man (his father) what was happening. A strange occurrence. Was this normal? They both ignored me, refusing to listen. The old man looked annoyed when he turned around and hobbled upstairs saying, “Ehh... I’m going to take a nap.”
I looked out the windows of the first floor, alarmed at what I saw. The surrounding fields were glassy in the starlight, already filling with water.
I followed the old man upstairs saying “Look out the window! Any window!” He refused to do it. Refused to believe.
I ran downstairs, gathering my backpack and some books I’d brought inside as I went. I found the old man’s son and said, “This is real. What are you going to do?” He just looked down, spread butter on his toast, and murmured something I couldn’t understand.
I decided to gather my things and get the hell out of there. The water was moving faster now – I could feel it. I looked out the window, quickly. It was nearly as high as the front porch.
Out in the front yard, wading through thigh-deep water, were 2 men - strangers – one with a rifle, the other holding a two by four. They looked hungry for something that would never satisfy them… ready to take advantage of the situation. I pointed them out to the old man’s son. He ignored me again, fiddling with something in his hand… a twig or maybe a paperclip.
Water was entering the first floor now… spilling through the windows.
I ran to my truck, found the handgun that I had hidden behind the seat, started the engine and drove up toward the main road through a muddy wash.
As I turned the bend, the house began to break apart and float into different directions.
THE TIME BETWEEN
Dec 3, 2011
I see faces in the windows, they don’t stop
And ghosts in speeding cars, they don’t stop
And priests passing needles, don’t stop
And drunks blessing bars, they don’t stop
I took you in my hands, tried to understand
I had a perfect plan, I was gonna be your man
I thought my naked will was strong enough for two
I could of held back the waters if you wanted me to
The time between when I first saw you and now
Keeps haunting me… I wanna give it back some how
There’s a child’s face in the moon, it don’t stop
This bed is a cradle, it don’t stop
I’m changing my tune, it won’t stop
Just as soon as I am able, it won’t stop
I begged you to change, tried to rearrange
You went and got some strange, and then I got exchanged
Everything good, washing down the street
Pouring down the gutter, underneath my feet
The time between when I first saw you and now
Keeps haunting me… I wanna get it back somehow
I can’t make these thoughts stop
I can’t roll back the clock
But I can burn like the sun
Til these dark days are done
The time between… I wanna get it back right now
My metaphors are burning, they don’t stop
And rhymes are pouring out, they don’t stop
I’m guilty of suspicion, it won’t stop
I’m harboring doubt, it don’t stop
I never thought you loved me
You put yourself above me
Always pushed and shoved me
Then you got sick of me
I guess I’m the one with the broken heart
Brain dead, drunk and falling apart
The time between when I first saw you and now
Keeps haunting me… I wanna get it back somehow
Go and use my troubles, they don’t stop
As lumber for your dreams, they don’t stop
Build your perfect mansion, don’t stop
While I sleep in the street, don’t stop
It’s lovely and quiet, I’m stirring up a riot
If it’s all in my head, then why’m I still cryin’?
My dreams for tomorrow are down at my feet
Pouring down the gutter, and washing down the street
I can’t make these thoughts stop
I can’t roll back the clock
But I can burn like the sun
Til these dark days are done
The time between… I wanna get it back right now
The time between… it keeps haunting me somehow
25 DICKS
November 19, 2011
think you’re a star
king of the bars
ya know what you are?
25 dicks
rent’s overdue
shitty review
you got no clue
25 dicks
stuck in a van
you and your band
it gets out of hand
25 dicks
out on the road
in a commode
dreamin’ of home
25 dicks
you started with one
and got three more
then you looked down
and found six on the floor
when there were ten
you thought it would end
you felt like a whore
when you hit twenty-four
wherever you turn
you get yourself burned
you’ll never learn
25 dicks
ya never get paid
never get laid
feeling betrayed
25 dicks
the vaunted kazoo solo goes here
25 dicks, that’s a stiff allegation
25 dicks, a sticky situation
25 dicks, you need an amputation
25 dicks, 25 dicks
You can’t cope
You’re at the end of your rope
And you got no hope
25 dicks
No matter what you do
You get yourself screwed
Feeling to blue
25 dicks
CH
think you’re a star
king of the bars
ya know what you are?
25 dicks
stuck in a van
you and your band
it gets out of hand
25 dicks
DAYTON
11-15-11
I’m in a motel / Drinking in a shower
Not a care or a worry / Been here an hour
Takin my time / In Dayton
I was drunk on the mic / Nobody showed
Another Tuesday night / Real rock and roll
Taking my time / In Dayton
We shower in shifts / Sleep on the floor
Totally adrift / Gimme some more
It’s a big ole country / Sky and land
Pound for pound / Me and my band
Coffee in the morning / In the bright sun light
Drive all day / and into the night
For Dayton… Waiting
I’m stripped down / opened and raw
Bloodshot and blurry / One single straw
Takin my time / In Dayton
CH
Cut free and twisting / Like paper in the wind
Thinking of quitting / But until then
Takin my time / In Dayton
Driving west, finally, toward the sunset. Chicago to Des Moines. It’s been a great tour. Feels kind of long on one hand… 21 days on the road. But after a while, you sort of hit a rhythm and let go of a lot of stuff… and it doesn’t seem that long at all. Like you could keep going for a long, long time – and like it. That’s where I am right now as I write… in the farthest back seat of the van, a little more than halfway between Chicago and Des Moines, driving into a dusky sunset toward our last show of the tour.
Ray Charles is on the stereo. I was just listening to Daniel Lanois. Those two should have done a record together… never gonna happen. Which reminds me of something that touring has brought into even tighter focus: music is a precious, precious thing. It takes so many accidents or happenstances for something beautiful or worthwhile to happen in music. On so many levels, too. A song, a band, a tour, a sound, a record… If we’re lucky enough to experience something that’s true and real and good, we must love it deeply. Because it is fleeting.
Funny how we keep re-learning the same lessons over and over. Mine, tonight, right now: gratitude for where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with.
Love,
John
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