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Airplane Safety Card Stories

Jerry turned to his friends, said ‘Later Dicks’, and left through the emergency exit

This Mormon bra is so sexy

Ever since Gary started crossfit, he did bicep curls at the most inappropriate times

All the meditating in the world wasn’t going to save Paula

After 6 bottles of airline Chardonnay, Susan was fucking READY for the water landing

Moms go first, Bobby. See you in hell

If Janette was honest with herself, she had been harboring doubts ever since marrying Clint. Even the way he inflated his floatation device annoyed her

As foretold in the book of Boeing, the child Savior would come to them in a life jacket

Happy baby or Carl reincarnated as a a young buddha–your call

Margaret simply couldn’t ignore her son’s strange beer belly any longer. %22No more than four beers a night for Bobby. Period, she told herself

Daphne and Joe had a tough relationship. Made even tougher when they had to fly

I meant it when I said this in flight entertainment sucked

Jerry finally got his wish of being with two women. But the plane wreck kind of threw a bummer vibe over the whole situation

Nobody-I mean nobody-liked the tuna sandwich

Bob wasn’t invited to the party. And he knew it

Paul always felt like a third wheel. Especially in survival situations

Sheila always suspected that Bob had a drinking problem. But now, deep in thought, she couldn’t ignore it anymore.

Still no booze in this thing

Sure, Susan ended up floating alone in the ocean, but look at the size of that diamond

The Stewardess Dance-step 1

The Stewardess Dance-step 2

The Stewardess Dance-step 3

These camelbacks full of bourbon have really saved our marriage, Janice

This baby thinks doing the Running Man will save her. Maybe she’s right

Either the very worst time or the very best time for a baptismal service

Should’ve avoided the beef Wellington

Throw your hands in the air. And wave ’em like–

Your briefcase is ugly. Those heels? Uglier

When she was a little girl, Deborah once found a quarter in her grandparents settee. Now she checks for loose change everywhere she sits. Everywhere

Wrong time for Jazzercize, Brenda

Wrong time to worship Felicia

Yes Cecile, your hair looks fabulous. Watch out for that shark

Young Hannah would never forget the day her Mother chose to put on her own mask first. Not ever.

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